If I fail at work/school, I am a failure as a person.
I should be upset if I make a mistake.
If someone does a task at work/school better than I, then I feel like I failed the whole task.
If those items taken from the Frost Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale sound familiar to you, you may be struggling with some perfection-related tendencies. While perfectionism can have adaptive qualities for some (striving for success or timely completion of tasks per researchers Hewitt & Flett) for many it can create feelings of fear or stress, inadequacy, anxiety, depression and even thoughts of suicide. Here’s the good news: there are 5 things you can implement TODAY to work on conquering those struggles with perfection.
1. Recognize your own patterns of perfectionism.
It is important to be honest with yourself here, and use your self awareness and insight to acknowledge unhelpful patterns of perfectionism without judgment. Criticizing yourself for “not doing things the right way” will only continue the pattern.
2. Aim for balance rather than extremes.
Things are not always as simple as black-and-white, good-or-bad. Accepting this and embracing the gray area will help avoid much unneeded stress. Think of a continuum rather than 2 sides. If the scale is 0 to 100, the ultimate, long-term goal may be 50 for you, but going from 90 to 85 is still moving towards balance.
3. Focus on progress rather than perfection.
Reward yourself for victories, big or small. If you are usually 20 minutes late for meetings, and you only arrive 10 minutes late, acknowledge that as positive change in your behavior. Continue to ask yourself “Am I closer to my goal than I was when I started?”.
4. Be patient with yourself.
Talk to yourself as you would to your best friend. The things we say to ourselves- our self talk- whether it’s out loud or in our heads, can make a huge difference. Practice replacing your thoughts of doubt and insecurity with positive self-talk – playing a more positive track in your head.
5. Ask yourself “are these expectations realistic?”.
If not, replace unrealistic expectations with more realistic ones. When considering how realistic an expectation is, work on being mindful of how much time/money/physical and emotional energy is required. Each day, all we can do is try our best; your best will change in different circumstances and that’s okay.
It is important to note that this is a process and it takes time. Expecting to implement all 5 changes in one day is your perfectionism bully taking hold. Rather, focus on making small changes over time.